Well, philosophically speaking, failure is nothing more than just another of those unpleasant moments in life that tend to interrupt the normal flow of things with a rather nasty jolt, something like cruising down the road in fourth and, instead of shifting up to fifth, accidentally downshifting into first and witnessing your entire transmission, as well as quite a few bits of machinery you were previously unaware of as belonging to the mechanics of an automobile, go flying forward in a tremendous screech, landing in the bushes something along the lines of a hundred or so feet ahead of you. This type of thing, though as tragically shocking as it may sound, actually happens to everyone quite a bit, perhaps even as often as once a month or so, though I doubt any kind of real investigation has ever been carried out on the topic of stress due to transmission failure before. Yet it is this stress, this loss of direction that occurs after failure, that is precisely why so many people feel at a complete standstill in their lives. They prepare themselves for one "test," then have to face a "test" of precisely the nature they did not study for. I believe someone of greater wisdom than I wrote a corollary to Murphy’s Law concerning tests of that nature, and if not, then I present it here: Whatever you are told will be on the test and you strive so diligently to learn in full will fail completely to even make an appearance, much less actually account for something, on the exam. So, what should one do to study?

My first response to this is simple, don’t. But that philosophy has never, I repeat never, assisted me in getting anywhere academically, and probably won’t ever help you either. However, it is useless to worry constantly about this or that problem that has you stuck. Go on, study something you do understand, then return to the problem. Sometimes, the hardest of problems can be solved this way, whether it is an actual question on a piece of paper that will eventually decide your future, or an even more important personal question that you ask yourself after realizing that you have a problem. What matters is that you end with an answer that satisfies your expectations, or at least puts you on the right track.

My second response is to tell you that, no matter what you do, as long as you do what makes you feel good, that is what you need to do. There may, however, be certain regrets. You need to absolve yourself, first, of any qualms you may have for feeling guilty or abused. As I have already remarked, you alone give the right to be used or abused. So, once you refuse to allow yourself to be affected by what others do or think or say, you can focus on what you need to do to let yourself be yourself. This focus can be intellectual in the studies you pursue, physical in the way you choose to look or dress, or spiritual in the beliefs and morals you choose to profess and follow and teach.

Thirdly, always look for an answer other than the one you created. There is always someone available to listen to your problems, whether it is a good friend, a sibling, a parent or other relation, or a favorite pillow or teddy bear. Make use of these resources, ask for their advice or opinions. But be prepared to also get criticism of what you believe and think and adhere to, for, just as there are many different people, there are just as many, if not more, different views of the same problem. You must take all this in, sort through it, and pick the option it all opens to you which is best for you, if it isn’t already the option you chose to begin with.

In some matters, though, there really is no one to go to, not even yourself. These matters you just need to let lie until there comes a time when you can bring it into your light and thence take it to someone else to get their ideas. It is all just a matter of time and how patient you are. You must be very patient for all problems to work themselves out, and even more so to help others work out theirs. But do not let that stop you from helping others, for your insight, from an outsider’s point of view, will always be extremely valuable.

Finally, there is one point that remains always at my pen, and that is this: Be yourself; at all times, be yourself. If you cannot be yourself to all people, then something about you is fake and you will appear fake to everyone around you who does not recognize that part of you that is real. So always take care to present yourself as yourself, and not as some xenomorph that you have contrived to make you or your cause appear more appealing or attractive than it really is.

One interesting note concerning the timing of this Installment: the stock market crashed yesterday, falling 500 points, and I still don’t know what I lost, if I lost anything at all. So, make of this essay what you will in light of that information.

* I stole this line from Douglas Adams’ Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy.

Howard Scott
20 October 1987