-Zero-

I didn’t fight for you.
I sensed a call; I followed.
You laughed at my jokes,
My little intimations at
Humor. I was trying, and
It showed. But you laughed.
That’s what mattered- I
Made you laugh. Can I still?
Have I used up my good lines,
Or are they lying hidden
Under a veil of mediocre
Symbolism and attempts at literature?
With one exception a long
Time ago, I’ve always meant
I love you
When I’ve said it. Everyone
Is allowed a mistake; everyone
Is allowed a wrong turn.
Whether this misdirection is on a
Grey subway in the London
Tubes, or in a liquid melancholy
Of confused emotions doesn’t
Matter. That was years ago.
-0-
The keys of
Ebony and the notes
In white have done little to
Conquer this turbulence
Within- I love you.
It’s not just three words
Strung together.
It’s not just clothes and
Sheets and pillow fights,
But a connection or
Bond between both of us
For both of us, for I don’t
Think without thinking of you.
Believe me; this is important.
-0-
I didn’t fight for you.
It’s not fair that way-
Not for you, not for me.
But there was no doubt in
My mind, either. I knew.
I knew you would like me.
I knew I would like you.
There is a cosmic law
Governing our lives.
Some call it fate.
Some call it luck.
Some call it karma.
I call it Love.
It guides me through my days,
Good and bad, to my dreams
Which have become so much nicer
Since you came into them.
-0-
Since the beginning, since
Time began, I wandered,
Even to remotest space,
Peering into the faces of
Heaven and Hell,
Always searching.
Now I have you,
I have your love.
Everything else is trivial.
-0-
You have become my goddess, my lifeblood.
When you are with me, I am colossal.
When you’re gone, I am reduced to nothing.
I act, but without you, it is heartless.
I sing, but I don’t feel the music’s soul.
I laugh, but only an icicle chill.
-0-
Oh, flame of my soul, burn on forever.
Warm me in your hot, heart-embracing fires.
Burn on in me, and as you do, burn me.
Fill me with all the compassionate fires
Felt by Persephone as she turned back
To face the face of the faceless Hades,
Thus doomed to love Lord of the Underworld,
For like those flames, you captivate my soul,
Holding it ransom for my loving heart.
Freely, I give both to you in pleasure.
Join with me in these pleasuring desires.
Burn on, burn on, oh these flames in my heart.
-0-
It is these pensive moods,
Just before awakening,
That are the most precious to me,
For I feel you here, lying
Next to me, holding my hand
Tightly in yours, pressed close to you.
It is electric to wake up in your arms,
Or you in mine.
I love you. As I write by the
Light of these twin candles,
I seem to feel something of the
Mysticism Coleridge tapped into.
It is, indeed, an opiate, but not the
Addictive sweet of the drug of your
Kisses- no, it is, instead, something
To be feared at times.
It takes control and refuses
To let go, refuses to leave me.
It invades and permeates my
Thoughts, my most secret
And best kept wants and desires.
It pushes me... I give in too
Easily. I like the
Dizziness, though, the utopia of
Poetic license, the emotions of
The power of creation. I
Live, breathe, swim, and drown in it.
I wish my writing were powerful,
Or could drive someone to tears, not
Of boredom, but of beauty, but
I know it won’t. I am, at best,
A closet poet with closet ideas, a
Mediocrity.
-0-

Howard Scott
17 February 1989