Five minutes into my sojourn, I was rewarded with the sight of my fire and Nova'an and Y'klips ahead of me. They were hanging several animals, deer, mostly, and setting a camp for the arriving members of our party. They had, apparently, just returned. They did not question me on my absence, nor about the claw marks on my face and arms. They simply continued with their work.

For the next hour, I, too, kept busy readying for the arrival of my friends. When they did arrive, it was not with a flourish, nor with any sort of announcement, other than their solemn attitudes. It was very obvious that they numbered nowhere near twenty. Hiachmal Truth dismounted first and came to me.

"We were attacked outside of Cymor by demondarcs. We didn't have time to prepare for their attacks, so we ran. They outnumbered us five or six to one. There was nothing we could do. We lost seven of the men. The rest of the mercenaries ran. We'll have to do with what we've got, mostly Ponnph'r's men. C'ang Ling was also killed while travelling with his brothers. I'll let them tell it."

L'gan came forward to tell of his brother's death, but could not get a word out. Gar came to help him to an oak trunk, then came back to me.

"We were travelling through the Rebuilt Cities, between Cysil and Darkmoore, when we were taken in ambush by a contingency of shades and demondarcs. C'ang Ling was riding at point and was dead in less than a second, his soul devoured by a demondarc."

Here, he stopped and went to his brother. Truth continued the story.

"From what I understand of their story, the demondarcs simply attacked with abandon. They ripped several wizards to shreds as they tried to prepare their spells, while the shadow demons fought with the fighters, killing near ten of them in that one ambush. Apparently, there were several others. The brothers fought without emotions just to get to Cymor. Last night, they broke down and spent the night in troubled sleep."

"Thanks, Truth. There is, unfortunately, more bad news. The Dark One has Myranda. She was taken the second night out. Also, I am a wanted criminal in Cymor. I won't be able to get back inside for a long time, I should think. I don't know, Truth. The game has changed in a major way; I'm not sure whether or not we should continue."

"We have to, for Moonflame and Myranda's souls!"

"Oh, I know that. I meant that, ever since this thing began, nothing has worked. The only benefits anyone has received under my leadership have been those of loss and painful deaths. I have to continue, but no one else does. I am going to suggest that everyone get back to Neverwhere. I'll continue alone. I need to think. I'll be back in an hour. We'll eat then, and afterwards I'll present that as my plan."

He nodded, and I started into the woods. There wasn't much really to think about, but I needed to be alone in the face of such disastrous news. Nothing in this quest was working out as it should have done. Every step we took was blocked by the Dark One, as if he knew our every move, which, of course, was his prerogative as a god.

"Hawklok."

I turned to see a shimmering form beside me. It was more different and more wondrous than anything else I had ever seen. I was transfixed. I knelt. The form reached out a hand and I took it. Then I was lifted to my feet and the shimmering light faded, leaving Sharmayn standing in front of me.

"Are you another succubus?"

"No, I really am here. Notice, no black." She smiled. "Don't give up, Hawk. You can't. I cannot help you, though, as you have become an agent for the Balance. Even if you hadn't taken that position, I do not have any knowledge that would help you, either. I can only offer comfort to you. You are, after all, my consort, and I am indebted to you for my freedom."

"No. You owe me nothing. My subconscious, directed by some other force, set you free. I had no conscious hand in it."

"But Hawklok, we gods owe mortals our very existence."

I was puzzled, still, by remarks like that. It was as if I knew something in the back of my mind that just refused to surface, like a memory of a dream in a dream.

"Come to me, Hawklok. Let me hold you, comfort you, if only for a moment."

I did not resist, if, in fact, I could have. She held me, that was all. I was calmed, though, in that moment, and after she released me, I was more set in my thoughts than I had been.

"You have a ring with you."

"Yes. I found it after the battle with the succubus."

"Let me have it."

She held out her hand and I placed the ring in her palm. She smiled, closed her fist, and turned it over so that I could see her own ring. It was identical. She took my hand again and returned the ring.

"It is my final gift to you, Hawklok, for I may not appear to you again for a long time. You will know how and when to use it. It does not have any magic in it that you can use; do not wear it yourself but do not give it to anyone else, unless you want them to keep it forever, and remember that whoever you surrender it to will also keep a part of you forever as well. That is part of the magic. Goodbye, Hawk. You will know, if you remember."

She was gone.

I returned to the encampment. Everyone was gathered around the fire watching the flames dance around the venison turning slowly over it. As I entered the circle, they all stood silently, waiting for me to speak.

"I must go on alone from here." I said it simply, bluntly, and as uneloquently as I could, hoping to make the message really clear.

It worked. There was not a single response to my statement, not even from Ponnph'r. The venison was removed from the fire and served in silence. No one sat too close to me. I had intentionally isolated myself from them and they understood that and respected my wishes. They stayed away.

After dinner, they broke up into small camps of three's and four's and talked about what they would do next. Some spoke of returning to Neverwhere. Other's felt revitalized by their visit to the Carousel and were going to stay. Still others wanted to search for the nether-planes between the Carousel and other dimensions claimed to exist by some of the wizards of the larger cities while they had been alive.

I was even isolated from these conversations as I sat alone against an ancient oak, its bark's deep ridges making impressions on my back. I thought of Myranda and how much I longed to hold her. I thought of Moonflame and how much I missed his teachings and mental battles of wit. I thought of Sharmayn and Her gifts to me. Most of all, though, I thought of Karnelian for the first time in a long time. I thought of the trips into the Forest of the Green Lady he took me on to learn how to live with nature in nature so that I could live with nature in the Cities. I thought of his chantings over the anvil in the workshop and the blue and gold showers of magic caused by each of his strokes with his hammer against the metal as he forged Majestrix, knowing that he knew, even then, that it would be me that carried on the fight against the Dark Lord and his powers on the Carousel after he was killed. Karnelian had known. I fell asleep.

-how-

I woke up in the darkest hour of the night, it seemed. A voice had awakened me, a voice in my dream, but not in my dream. I looked around to see all of my friends asleep except for the twins who were on watch. I looked into the forest to try to determine if there was someone else there that I did not see at first. There was no one. I returned to sleep, knowing the twins were on guard and would alert us all in case of an emergency, though I was still troubled by the call I knew I had heard.

I awoke at first light. The twins had finished their watch and Ponnph'r was looking into the dawn mists. He turned as I approached, then turned again to look into the forests. I went to him and sat beside him. Neither of us spoke for a while. I had to break the silence.

"You don't want me to go alone."

"No."

"No explanations, just 'no'?"

"Yes."

"You are usually a man filled with words, General. Now, you remind me of a girl I knew in the Cities. She spoke in monosyllables, too."

"You are aware of the dangers and the explanations. So are we all, and we are all ready to accompany you."

"I know that, but there have been too many deaths already, too many people involved. I have to do this; no one else needs to come."

"Is that what Karnelian thought when he went out to fight the Dark One? Did he believe that he could do it on his own?"

"I don't know. I think at times he did think he could do it on his own. I never argued with him. He was a father to me, as well as teacher and instructor. He taught me everything I now know about swordsmanship, and some of what I know about the Bolt. He led me to Moonflame, even after his death, who then continued my training. What else am I supposed to do?"

"This is a question you must ask yourself. I cannot answer that for you. But let me make an observation. You have carried this vendetta, and that is what it is, on your own for the years since Karnelian's death, even during the past few weeks when the rest of us were with you, it was your fight, your battle, your journey. All of us have lost something to the Dark Lord: family, friends, souls. It is our battle, too. But you are our leader; whether you took the position or we gave it to you does not matter. We followed you."

"Don't you see? That's why I've got to go on alone."

"You need to take a stand, Hawk. You need to choose a side and stay there. You've been walking a fence between the forces for too long."

I didn't know what to say to that. It was true. I had been staying in a neutral vendetta ever since that night in the marsh when Electrix showed himself to me. But what sides could an agent for the Balance take? Which way would my actions force the Balance to swing if I chose to ignore it?

"Pick a side, Hawk. Leaning toward chaos, giving up your boltstones, will get Moonflame and Myranda back, maybe. Leaning toward law will mean a fight, but it will also mean allies among the gods. Remaining neutral means running back and forth between the two opposites, fighting first for one, then the other, in order to maintain the Balance between them."

Ponnph'r left me to think about what he had said. The others were awake by now and packing up to leave. He was right. I had to choose between law and chaos.

-the balance-

I turned to see who had spoken. It was the same voice as in my dream. Then I recognized it as the voice of Electrix. I looked at the hilt of my sword. The boltstone embedded in it was glowing brightly. I pulled the sword free. A blue glow surrounded me and I heard the sounds of the camp and the talk behind me fade to nothingness. I was in a globe of energy. I could not move outside it. Then I felt it begin to move, first up, then across. Looking through the field, I saw many colors flashing, erupting outside. It reminded me of a bridge in some wild sense, but a longer bridge than I had ever been on. The globe travelled across it faster and faster. Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the trip ended.

The field lowered, and I found myself on a large floor of an audience chamber. It was made of silver and gold tiles, each tile at least twenty feet on a side, eight tiles to a side of the chamber. On each tile, with the exception of the one I was standing on, were thousands of small points of light. Each point swirled around the many hundreds of points around it, creating a myriad of small whirlpools of light within each tile. On my tile, however, there was nothing, simply me.

"Hello?"

There was no response to my call.

"Hello."

There was still no response. I sheathed Majestrix and was about to step off the tile, when the tile began to rise, lifting me with it, into the air. I'm not really sure how long it went up, but I watched as the audience chamber grew smaller and smaller, looking more like a chess board than a large entrance hall. A hole opened above me, and once the tile I was on had stopped, I was in a smaller room, all black, with the exception of the silver tile I was on.

On the far wall appeared a light, first small, then growing to reveal a multicolored mosaic of the Balance against the wall. I watched, and the mosaic moved. The left arm began moving out of balance, becoming the heavier. At first it moved slowly, but as it moved downward, it gained momentum until it slowed and stopped, far outweighing the right arm. Then the Balance disappeared to be replaced by a figure dressed in blue and grey.

"I am the keeper of the Balance."

I stood speechless.

"Speak."

"I am Hawklok of the Rebuilt Cities."

"Yes?"

I stood speechless again.

"Well, don't just stand there, choose. Are you going to walk over here so that we might converse more readily, or are we both going to have to yell at each other?"

I felt foolish and stepped off the tile towards the man. As I stepped off the tile, the floor changed with my steps to that silver. The man smiled a little half-smile, reminding me of Moonflame's smiles, the ones that made me nervous. As I approached, the man held out his hand in welcome.

"Come in, Hawklok of the Rebuilt Cities. You must be hungry. There is food and wine prepared. Come."

I shook his hand and followed him into yet another magnificent hall where hundreds of others sat and ate, laughing and talking about past wars, some in the very far past. The man led me to the front of the table and motioned for me to sit in the host's chair, the chair of honor. I did as he requested. Then he started speaking in a voice as loud as thunder.

"My fellow keepers. This is the one."

All talking ceased. The hundreds of others turned to look at me. They seemed to think amongst themselves for a second, then smiled and applauded for a fast ten seconds, then were silenced by my keeper as he spoke again.

"He has come to the junction of knowledge. He has asked the questions and has not received the answers. Does he continue in his search?"

A long resounding "No!" filled the chamber, deafening me. Then, as the echoes faded, a feast was brought for me: fowl and venison and beef and fruits and wines and cheeses. I was encouraged to eat, so I did so. If these were indeed lords of the higher planes, I didn't want to offend them by not enjoying their hospitality. Gods are not the type of people to have mad at you.

I ate and they talked among themselves, still reliving the wars that some of them had obviously participated in. My host sat down beside me.

"When you have finished, I need to speak with you. I shall wait in the room directly behind you."

He stood, made a polite bow to the others in the room in way of excusing himself, then exited through a door that appeared behind me. I ate a comfortable meal, then did as he had, bowing and leaving through the door.

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